Black Rain and Cold Water
by Professor Image
Summary: Leah's angry, sad, betrayed, and lonely, and Jacob shares her sentiment. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Bella might be too stupid to have seen the good life that she could have had with Jacob, but Leah wasn't going to just overlook her packmate's unrequited love. Someone might as well benefit from it, right?
1. Preface

Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Twilight Saga; the Twilight Saga is owned by Stephenie Meyer. The only things that I own are original characters and plots and themes. I wrote this story with entertainment purposes in mind. I have made no monetary gain off of this work of fiction. Please do not sue.

* * *

Enjoy:

* * *

Black Rain and Cold Water

A Twilight Fanfiction by

Professor Image

_Preface_

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XXX

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I couldn't say when it exactly started, but in a single instant I appreciated how important he had become to me. Even as the pale undead parasites were gliding towards us from the trees, even as I was aware of the terror in our pack and Sam's, and the fact that our bloodsucking _allies_ would be shaking in their boots if they were capable of such an action, he stood beside me, unrelenting, unmoving. Refusing to back down, refusing to let any of them pass; because if he did they would get to the pack, but, more importantly, I felt his deepest wish to halt them, to form a barricade between them and me. His concern was flattering, if unneeded, and slightly annoying.

No one needed to protect me, Leah Clearwater. Not even Jacob Black.

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Preface: End.


	2. Bruising Kiss

Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Twilight Saga; the Twilight Saga is owned by Stephenie Meyer. The only things that I own are original characters and plots and themes. I wrote this story with entertainment purposes in mind. I have made no monetary gain off of this work of fiction. Please do not sue.

* * *

Enjoy:

* * *

Black Rain and Cold Water

A Twilight Fanfiction by

Professor Image

1: Bruising Kiss

* * *

XXX

* * *

Thankfully, I was alone in my thoughts; it looked like Jacob had skipped on patrol.

Being the two most unpleasant wolves to share thoughts with these days, the only people willing to share a patrol with us was my brother, Seth, and Jacob's best friends Embry Call and Quil Ateara, and that was in short bursts.

I didn't mind sharing my thoughts with Jacob. At least _he_ understood what it was like to lose the love of your life to someone else. I could do with living without his angst, though. I'd only been able to suppress my own depression with anger, which I directed at everyone and anything within hearing range. But Jacob literally oozed his agony. I'd be more sympathetic, maybe, if his pain didn't so closely mirror my own.

It was so easy to forget my troubles as my paws carried me through the forest, the rain and wind lashing at the fur on my muzzle and shoulders. This was the best part of changing into a giant wolf monster: the speed. When I ran, I felt like I could leave everything behind me…until someone would eventually pop into my head, no matter how fast I ran.

This was something all my own. I was the fastest, and everyone knew it. I was unique. I was not Emily freaking Young.

I bounded into a small meadow, slowing to a slow trot as my rage welled up anew inside my heart. It was so _easy_ to be angry. At least then I wasn't nearly catatonic with my grief, guilt, regret, and despair. I couldn't even contemplate suicide, when I knew that there were still plenty of bloodsuckers out there to fight, to kill. I welcomed that thought, though. I could use them; use that short display of violence to channel my rage and hatred. It was so _easy_ to be angry, because there were plenty of things for me to direct that anger at.

I knew it was unhealthy to depend on the hunt to sooth me. I was bound to grow emotionally stunted, but it was easier to be angry instead of sad.

At least then I didn't have to think about Sam…and Emily…

As the thought hit me I shuffled my feet in the ground, tearing out chunks of grass and dirt, trying to move my thoughts from my ex-boyfriend and former best friend and cousin. The pack mind meant that I understood their actions and might even have forgiven them for it, but it didn't lessen the pain and certainly not my anger. It was disgusting to find myself looking at Emily's horribly disfigured face and think that she got what she deserved. She _had_ been my best friend, once, nearly a sister, even, and though I felt betrayed, there was still a part of me that wanted to reconcile with her, even if it was overwhelmed by all my anger.

But I didn't _hate_ Emily. If I had been in her position, I'd probably have acted the same. And that disgusted me. I couldn't even claim to be on a morally higher ground, because if Sam had been dating Emily and then Imprinted on me, I think I would have run to him even quicker than my cousin.

My despairing thoughts were nearly overwhelmed as a new source of agony engulfed me…but it didn't originate from me.

_Jacob_… I thought, feeling his overwhelming sadness.

That's what I hated about the pack mind. His thoughts were my own, and his pain was my own. It was so easy to feel sympathy and pity for the once bright and carefree Jacob Black. I didn't want to feel that way for any_one_, let alone a guy that was in love with a girl that rather jump a leech's bones and give up her humanity.

_Leah!_ Jacob roared in my head, anger tinting his despairing thoughts. He didn't like anyone criticizing his _perfect_ Isabella Swan.

Before he could angrily retort to my disgusted thoughts, I spoke.

_It's been pretty quiet for a while now – what are you doing?_ I questioned.

_Leave me alone, Clearwater, _Jacob snapped, his thoughts wild, violent. I got a glimpse of the Swan residence.

_Screw you, Black!_ I shot back, mindlessly turning in the general direction that I could feel him running in. He was crossing over a river, heading back into Quileute territory. I got a fleeting image of the cliffs of First Beach. _You better not do anything stupid, jerk!_

_How many times do I have to tell you,_ Jacob snarled, and I knew that he had picked up his pace,_ Leave me alone!_

_Get over yourself_, I growled, bearing down and racing in a path that I felt would cut him off. He tried to change direction, but I was already correcting my path. Jacob Black would not escape from _me_. _No one orders Leah Clearwater around!_

_No one, _I heard the spite in Jacob's thought, getting to see his thoughts as an image of Sam doing just that crept to the surface. I slowed my pace down, furious at the low blow.

_Go to hell, Jake!_ I seethed, turning, considering about going back to my patrol. Jacob's longing thoughts about First Beach were sickening, so I changed direction midstride and continued to follow the idiot, well aware that I had lost precious seconds.

Jacob was aware of it, too, pushing himself harder than before. I could see through his eyes as he broke through the tree line onto the cliff, his eyes moving to the cliff's edge, pleased. I did the first thing that came to my mind.

_Jacob, listen to me!_ I roared, and began pulling images from every corner of my mind. Everything from his mother, alive and happy, to dead and being lowered into the ground, and the devastation of his family from her passing, then, to the way Rebecca, Rachel and Billy would be affected by his death, grieving, withdrawn. There would be no one to watch over his father, there would be no one to keep Paul in line. Seth, mom, and Charlie would be devastated, too, so I sent that thought and imagery to him. Finally, I sent the most important thought as well.

_Bella would be horrified! _I called to mind the image of Bella, _his_ Bella, grieving at his funeral. I felt him stop cold, felt the guilt, regret, self-disgust, and anger rise to the point that he had to thrash at the trees, bisecting them with his claws and tearing them apart with his teeth. I was getting close at this point, so I slowed down so he'd have time to calm down. When I was sure that the worst of it had passed and that he was sitting well away from the cliff, panting in exhaustion, I exited the tree line.

Jacob's mind was in turmoil. Even as the images that I had planted there circled about in his thoughts, bringing new waves of guilt and self-loathing to mind, he was burying his consciousness into the instincts of the wolf.

_Oh, no you don't, Black!_ I snarled, sending him all the memories I had of the months that he had been living as a wolf in Canada. Everything, from Bella's continued phoned, worried about Jacob's absence, to my mother's worry and fear, Seth's concern and loneliness, Embry's depression and Quil's isolation and even his own father, Billy Black's helplessness.

_YOU ARE NOT RUNNING AWAY AGAIN, JACOB BLACK! _I roared.

I saw the wolf receding from his brown eyes even as I felt it pulling back. I knew instinctively that Jacob wasn't returning to his senses because I had won, but because he was fighting with his wolf to keep from lashing out at me. I refused to back down from his fury, though, standing my ground and waiting. But I still refused to approach him. There was only so much I could push him before the wolf won.

Finally, Jacob had managed to calm the wolf enough so that he could return to human form, obviously grateful not to have to share his thoughts with me. I graciously turned away from him, letting him put on his pants, before I went to a nearby tree and Phased back to human form.

"You are the biggest, most infuriating idiot I have ever known, Black," I spat, stepping out from behind the tree, now wearing the dress that was becoming my normal piece of clothing these days. It was easier to carry around a dress to cover me fully then a whole set of clothes, after all.

"Leave me alone, Leah," Jacob sighed, obviously exhausted by our fight and his own inner battle with the wolf. But I refused to leave him when I wasn't quite sure yet that he wouldn't either throw himself from the cliff or run.

"You listen to me, Jacob Black, or so help me," I growled, stalking towards him, more pissed than I cared to admit by his act of selfishness. "If you're going to kill yourself over a girl that you've only kissed a handful of times then you got another thing coming! I'm not leaving you alone until I have your promise that you won't try this crap _ever_ again!"

"What do _you_ care?" Jacob snapped, anger burning in his dark eyes as he stepped up to literally _tower_ over my slight frame. Like all the other Quileute wolves, he was tall, but he was special because of the fact that he was the tallest and strongest physically out of all the other males in the pack. "I thought that you'd be happy that someone else is hurting!"

Despite knowing just how dangerous a situation that I was in, despite knowing that I was closer than arms reach to an angry werewolf strong enough to make even Sam hesitate, I reacted.

_Crack!_

"Don't you _ever_ think that I want you to kill yourself," I spat, rubbing my suddenly sore hand. Even though I had a werewolf's strength, it still hurt to slap Jacob Black, who was infinitely much sturdier than me.

I could tell that my actions had shocked Jacob out of his anger. Despite my violence and attitude to the pack, I had never actually struck anyone. Physically, I was very nonviolent, but emotionally and verbally I was the ultimate bitch.

Jacob mutely touched his cheek with one of his large hands, the bruising already starting. He was leaking blood out of his lips, but he didn't seem to find the pain all that uncomfortable. Instead, he was staring vacantly at me, with such a hopeless expression that I found myself wishing to comfort him despite my rage at his idiocy and selfishness.

"Leah," his voice was soft, much too soft for Jacob Black. I utterly abhorred the suddenly vulnerable tone in his voice. It made me remember that he was just a boy; and a boy that had been given almost as bad a hand at life as I had been given. And _that_ reminded me of my own pain, which made me angry.

It was easier to be angry than sad.

"Shut up, you idiot," I growled, wanting to strangle him. If anyone had been there, watching us, they might have found it funny the way Jacob flinched from me, a girl that didn't even come up to his chin. I was tiny compared to him, and I was tall for a woman, but not too tall. Just above average. And his apparent fear of me was almost comical. It almost made me feel guilty.

It took a few minutes for me to calm down enough where I wouldn't resort to violence. Jacob's actions, his depression were very close to the place that I had been after I first Phased and lost my dad. It had been Seth and my mom that I pulled me out of the intense depression that had been marked by frequent thoughts of suicide, and it was more so Seth than my mom as he could see my spiraling thoughts whenever we phased together. I had been ashamed of my selfish thoughts then, like I was ashamed of Jacob's selfishness now. It took a supreme effort on my part to calm myself enough that I wouldn't give Jacob what he wanted.

"You…you…" at a loss for words, I slapped him again. Like the last time, Jacob let me, though I knew that he could stop me any time that he wanted. But this second slap brought something to his eyes, and for the first time since the wedding some fire was returning, some of the old Jacob peeked out of the veil of sorrow that he had been hiding under these last few weeks.

Both of Jacob's cheeks were bruised now, though his right cheek, the one that I had smacked the first time was already turning the yellowish color that showed that the damage was nearly healed. When he was sure that I wouldn't smack him again Jacob reached up to wipe the trail of blood from his lips.

I knew Jacob enough to recognize the guilt building behind his emotionless face. In private, he'd likely expel his frustrations at himself, me, the world, and Bella through some violent means. But with me around, having seen him in such a vulnerable position, literally having to rip him from the cliff's edge, he was likely feeling very exposed and uncomfortable.

"Look," I said, my voice icy, trying to suppress the need to yell, "She chose _him_. Not you," I was filled with the since of irony at these words, knowing that others had spoken them to me plenty of times as well. "She never even _tried_ to think about a different life. Instead, she chose a damn bloodsucker for a lover, when she could have had a very handsome, if stupid werewolf for a lover," I decided to try and stroke his ego. Teenage boys were always competitive about their masculinity. It probably hurt his pride that the woman he loved chose a pretty boy that was more feminine than Jacob was. Jacob looked like he could walk into a weight lifting tournament and walk away with first prize, easy.

I saw Jacob's lips twitch, not quite a smile, but he definitely appreciated my efforts to cheer him up. At least he was listening, now.

"The fact of the matter is that you can't let her ruin you. You've still got a future," I growled. This was a touchy subject for me, since there had never been a female werewolf in Quileute history. "There's still the possibility that you _could_ imprint on someone. Do you really want to give up on that possibility just because a girl that doesn't understand how good of a life she could have had wants to suck face with an corpse?"

I knew I shouldn't have said that. I knew that I should have rephrased it. Bella was always a very volatile subject with Jacob. One moment, he could take our comments in stride, the next he could be frothing from the mouth. Almost everyone in the pack and in the know about werewolves had said something bad about Bella, at least once, even Emily, at one point, so we all knew just how touchy a subject it was with Jacob. Only Emily had ever talked ill of Bella and not resorted into screaming or fighting with the third child of Billy Black Jr.

His reaction, then, wasn't really surprising.

Eyes burning with his fury, but voice surprisingly soft though sharp with his anger, Jacob hissed, "If it's so easy, then why are you still pining for Sam?" I had expected him to make a retort about Sam at some point in the conversation, it was inevitable, really. Almost everyone in the pack used Sam and Emily as a means to rile me up. And it worked.

I wasn't surprised by the cold fury that built up from my gut, rushing through my veins. I was the one shaking now, on the verge of phasing. But I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

Locking eyes with Jacob Black, I growled out my challenge.

"You're a selfish, egotistical, self-righteous jerk, Jacob Black," I wanted to strangle him, I wanted to phase and rip his throat out. But more to the point, I want to shock him into compliance. "If Bella Swan doesn't want your love that's fine, I'll take it!" I exclaimed.

"What?" Jacob gasped. I had definitely shocked him.

Before he could jump away in revulsion and fear I grabbed him by his cheeks and jerked him down so that he was roughly eye level with me. Shocked as he was, he didn't fight me.

"What? Didn't hear me?" I smirked, enjoying my power over him. "Since you feel that life isn't worth living without loving someone else, then I'll take that love for myself. I don't care about you, you don't care about me, but we're both in pain and someone needs to make sure that you don't kill yourself, idiot, so shut up and kiss me!" I exclaimed, and before he could react I did it.

I kissed him.

There were about three things that I became aware of in that instance. First: Jacob Black tasted like blood, a byproduct from getting slapped earlier. Second: I was in no way or shape attracted to Jacob Black, and neither did he feel the same. Third: I suddenly wanted to pin Jacob to the ground and ride him like a bucking bronco…

Crap.

* * *

1: End.


	3. Lie

Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Twilight Saga; the Twilight Saga is owned by Stephenie Meyer. The only things that I own are original characters and plots and themes. I wrote this story with entertainment purposes in mind. I have made no monetary gain off of this work of fiction. Please do not sue.

* * *

Enjoy:

* * *

Black Rain and Cold Water

A Twilight Fanfiction by

Professor Image

2: Lie

* * *

XXX

* * *

I crawled out of my bed sometime late in the afternoon, not really wanting to leave the comfort of my warm, soft bed and the safety of dreams where I was still together with Sam and didn't change into a horse sized wolf that shared the thoughts with other, similar wolves and fought real life freaking vampires…but I knew that I needed too.

There was still too much strangeness left over from last night. There were things that I needed to discuss with Jacob that we hadn't been able to talk about last night. I needed to check on him and make sure that he hadn't done anything stupid. But mostly, I needed to clear the air, explain myself. It was the least I could do.

Even as I showered I tried to collect my thoughts, tried to order my argument in a way that would be appealing to Jacob freaking Black. Honestly, it was stupid. _I_ had been stupid. Kissing Jacob Black had not been on the list of things that I had thought likely even in a million years, let alone just yesterday, but when we had been fighting, when I had realized just how devastated he was by Bella's rejection, and just _how_ lonely I had been, I had just…reacted.

It was very, very stupid. It was something that I would think only Jacob and his friends were capable of. I didn't think that _I_ would be stupid enough and have the balls to actually lay one on Jacob Black, especially after going through the train wreck that had been my relationship with Sam Uley.

Obviously, I knew it wasn't Jacob's fault, but if I knew him as well as I thought I did I knew that he'd be blaming himself, fearing that he had lead me on, searching his memory for any hint that I had…_feelings_ for him, but he wouldn't find anything. And that would just confuse him. Jacob Black could not understand the feelings of a confused young woman dealing with loneliness, anger, and depression. He wouldn't be able to understand what motivated me to kiss him.

I would need to speak with him, to set the ground rules.

Admitting that I was lonely and very jealous of Bella Swan who had stolen all of Jacob's affections would be difficult. As a male, specifically a boy who had only loved one girl, Jacob wouldn't understand the stupid things a person would do because they wanted to feel important…to feel loved… I did not look forward to that conversation.

I'd grown used to only wearing dresses these days, though I never was, and still wasn't partial to them. But I did take extra time to shave and clean myself up. Running with a pack of boys, fighting for my place in their group, phasing into a wolf and fighting vampires had meant that I had gotten out of the habit of cleaning myself up for a male. Since I had made the spontaneous decision to seduce Jacob, I decided that it would be a good idea to continue my habits again.

Feeling infinitely better about myself, but also quite ravenous, I headed downstairs to join my mom in the kitchen. These days she spent almost all her time there, or with the elders, or with Charlie Swan. I tried to ignore how much that last fact bothered me.

Mom, of course, greeted me warmly, having already warmed up a plate of leftover breakfast once she heard me moving about upstairs. I returned her greeting, distracted as I looked for my brother. When I asked mom where Seth was she smiled.

"Oh, Seth was planning to run with Collin and Brady, before stopping over by Billy's," I refused to meet her eyes when she mentioned the Black residence, knowing that I'd give something away if I looked at her. She could always tell when something was wrong with me, though, so I wasn't surprised when she asked, "Leah is something wrong?"

To put off her concern I went with the best excuse for a hungry werewolf, I hunkered down my shoulders and dug in.

"No, mom, just a little hungry," I mumbled between bites, refusing to meet her eyes. I knew that she didn't believe me, but she obviously realized that I wasn't willing to talk about it with her, yet. I'd probably tell her in time, and she obviously knew that I would, too. So she simply nodded, commenting that she was going to make a phone call. I was unsurprised when I heard her talking to Charlie over the phone while standing in the living room.

I _was_ hungry though, and I was little hesitant about approaching Jacob. Knowing the idiot like I did, he'd probably be against the idea of just acting as causal lovers. We were bound to get into an argument.

When I had satisfied my hunger after three more large plates of reheated breakfast, I cleaned up after myself, and since I had no other reason to put it off any longer, I headed outside to my truck.

I resisted giving thought to the irony that my truck was Bella's old castoff that had been given to her by Billy Black and then discarded after her vampire boyfriend bought her a new car.

Bella pissed me off. It was obvious how head over heels in love Jacob was for her, and yet she still chose a damn corpse who preyed on her kind instead of the fun, and very loving Jacob Black. It didn't escape my notice that I had gotten Bella's castoff, and it certainly didn't escape my notice that I wanted another of Bella's castoffs.

Maybe if another member of the pack had been rejected by the girl that they loved, had been so heartbroken that they would have attempted suicide, I would have chosen to bury my loneliness and jealously in an affair with them instead of Jacob, but only Jacob Black was stupid enough to love a girl when the threat of imprinting hung over his head. No one else in the pack even dared.

So I was stuck hoping that I could convince one of Bella Swan's castoffs to be my sex buddy and _maybe_ pretend to be my boyfriend. That was just great.

Just _how_ pathetic are you going to get, Leah?

I sat in the truck, staring at my hands on the wheel, trying to decide if this was really such a good idea. Nothing I seemed to do, to think and feel seemed to be good enough these days. For all I know, I might get Jacob to agree to acting as my fake boyfriend only for him to imprint, and _then_ where would I be? Hell, I might even be worse! I might get him to agree, only to _fall in love with him_ and _then_ he imprints on another girl! It'd be just like Sam all over again.

I sat there for several minutes, trying to decide the pros and cons for why I should and should not try and seduce Jacob. Ultimately, my decision was taken for me when I saw a glimpse of rusty-brown in my peripheral.

A huge blur of fur crossed the road in a flash, disappearing into my backyard. If I knew Jacob like I thought I did, I knew that he was headed into the tree line. I followed, stepping out of the truck and heading to my backyard.

He was waiting for me there, agitated, clearly, leaning against the large tree that separated my backyard from the forest, fidgeting. The moment that he heard me, smelled me approach, his head snapped up to look at me so fast that it almost gave _me_ whiplash.

"Leah," his voice was airy, breathless, shocked and a bit fearful, but with a tiny hint of hope.

Well, fuck me Freddie.

"Jacob," I greeted him, trying to hold in my nervousness. I hadn't been exactly thinking straight yesterday when I'd made the offer. He recognized the tone, tensing.

Finally, I motioned to the woods, saying, "After you." He took one last glance at me, before bounding into the tree line. I followed, keeping pace easily as we raced through the underbrush, dodging tree and fern alike and leaping clear over large obstacles such as downed tree trunks and mildly sized boulders. Never once did we phase, understanding that to do so would expose our thoughts to the pack, and that was dangerous.

Eventually, when Jacob felt that we were far enough away from my house not to have eavesdroppers and close enough that we could find our way, he stopped at a large oak and turned to me.

I stopped behind him, sitting myself down on a small boulder and watching him intently.

"So," he began, running his hands awkwardly through his shaggy brown hair.

"Why don't you start where we left off," I supplied, knowing that he would need to have a push before he had the guts to point out the pink elephant in the room. He blew his breath out, glancing away from me, his face flushing in embarrassment and mortification.

"You…kissed me," he finally admitted in a rush.

"I didn't see you resisting," I grumbled, a bit emotionally vulnerable myself and not enjoying it.

"I…wasn't expecting it," he admitted, and I could see just how embarrassed and humiliated he was by the admittance of the memory.

"And if you were expecting it, would that change a thing?" I asked, curious at the thought. Jacob gave an aggravated sigh, turning away from me and punching the tree that he was standing beside. It shook violently.

"Yes…no…maybe?" he said, helplessly. I could see that he was conflicted. I knew him enough to know that he would take whatever chance he could get to stop the pain of Bella's rejection, but that he'd feel guilty for giving into such a selfish action. I also knew that he would be very, _very_ angry for having to betray Bella like that, even if he hadn't done so intentionally.

"The way I see it," I finally said, deciding to explain myself now, before he made any spontaneous decisions, "We both are feeling betrayed, depressed, alone, and angry. I hate Bella for putting you through all this, but if she isn't willing to accept your affections then I will take them. I'm okay if you still love Bella, because if you can keep me from feeling alone then I don't care…"

"Leah," Jacob said, turning to me. I couldn't quite place his expression or the tone of his voice, but his voice had lowered to a whisper and his face looked pained.

"I know it's not what either of us wanted, Jacob," I snapped, rising to me feet and fisting my hands. That familiar anger was returning. "But, despite what you may think, I'm tired of feeling sad, angry, worthless and alone all the time! Even if it's fake, even if we both love someone else, I don't care! I just want someone to share the pain with!" and before either of us could react in time to stop it, I had leapt from the log I was standing beside to Jacob's side and jerked him down to lock lips with him.

It was not like yesterday. Yesterday, we had both been shocked and angry, and too damn disgusted with ourselves to do anything. I had just held my lips to his briefly before running away in disgust and embarrassment for myself. Today, however, I was suddenly sure of what I wanted. And Jacob was eager to return.

There really was no attraction between us. Maybe a physical attraction, since we were both very sexy in our own way, but not emotional. We simply didn't see each other as lovers. But we didn't _care_.

We were so angry, so sad, so lonely, and so damn ready to stop the pain that we would take any means to drown it, even if we had to debase ourselves by committing to a false relationship, to living a lie.

One moment I was standing a few feet away, the next we were pressed to each other, Jacob's mouth smothering mine, my hands reaching up to claw at his shoulders. He was biting at my lips, but I didn't care, just like he didn't care about my nails leaving huge, bloody scratches on his shoulders and back. And we certainly didn't care when we hit the tree, hard enough to shake a few branches off. We tumbled to the ground, clawing and biting and tearing at each other.

We didn't _care_.

Because physical pain was nothing…it couldn't hold a fucking candle to the pain inside our hearts.

* * *

XXX

* * *

I'd done it.

I had sex with Jacob Black. Not once, not twice, but _three_ times.

Each time had been violent, wild, and painful, but in a way I was glad. The pain was fleeting, after all, though we scratched, bit, and rubbed each other raw, it healed quickly.

I had underestimated a werewolf's stamina. It had taken nearly two hours to finish the first time, and within only minutes we had wanted more, and after that second time together was followed by a third time.

We had finally pulled apart when we realized how late it had gotten. It was late evening, and the sun was setting. We had pulled apart, somewhat satisfied but a little disgusted with ourselves, and completely horrified by our actions.

The destruction left behind by our actions horrified us.

We had completely destroyed about ten of the trees that surrounded us, from rutting against them. We'd dug numerous holes into the ground, and broken a few boulders into tiny little chunks. But we were sated…for the moment…

It hadn't been loving, gentle, passionate…no, we were too angry for that, too disgusted with ourselves and sad and lonely to care. It had been pleasant, in the way that we were exactly what each other needed.

It had been like two wild animals mating.

We set off towards my house, hoping not to run into anyone. We were completely naked, our clothing having been shredded in the experience. For once, I was strangely at peace. Not quite content, but too exhausted to care about any of my problems.

Likewise, Jacob was following along, struggling to keep his eyes open. Like me, he was tired, and hungry, and a bit sore. Most of the damage had been done to him. Even as angry as he was, even as violent as he wanted to be, he had still held back most of his anger, most of his aggression. I knew that this was because his own strength frightened him sometimes. He was very afraid that he could cause irreparable damage to my small body. I was grateful.

Even in pain, even angry, Jacob still cared about everyone else more than himself.

As we came up to my backyard I invited Jacob inside, using the fact that he needed clothes to make his way back to his house, and that my mom kept extra sets of men's clothing for any of the pack that stayed at our house and accidentally phased. Jacob was roughly Sam's size, slightly taller and a bit more muscled, but he could fit in the clothes that I had kept around for Sam, though they would be tight. I knew my mom had an extra pair of shoes, which he would need, plus, my mom had a few other extra pairs of shirts and jeans in case Jacob didn't feel like wearing Sam's old clothing.

Jacob was okay with wearing Sam's clothing, he said, but from the look on his face it was obvious that he didn't enjoy the thought of wearing our beloved Alpha's castoffs. Personally, I didn't want him to, either. Jacob already looked like a mirror image of Sam, just slightly bigger, meaner, and with shaggier hair. Seeing him wear Sam's clothing was not on the list of things that I wanted to see before I died.

But he didn't fuss, and I didn't bitch as I retrieved a pair of pants and a shirt for him. Like I had expected, the clothes were tight, straining against Jake's massive muscles and exposing stretches of dark skin to anyone that cared to look. He was obviously uncomfortable with the clothes, so I didn't make a comment.

Mom was gone, and I tried not to think about where she could be. Seth was probably out on patrol or with Collin and Brady, probably doing god knows what. Everyone else avoided my house like the plague, so it left us sitting there in the kitchen in an awkward silence.

"So," he said slowly, rocking his stool back in forth, trying to break the thick silence that had sprung up between us. He coughed, and his voice cracked when he spoke again, "That was…uh…w-weird…" he tried to avoid looking at me.

"That's a damn fine way to make a girl feel better about herself, Black," I cursed inside my head, hating Jake so fiercely in that moment that I wanted to brain him upside the head with my mom's cast iron skillet. Though I was contemplating violence, Jacob had the decency to look suitably scolded. I knew his awkwardness had more to do with his discomfort in the situation and his complete lack of interaction with the opposite sex then out of any true spite. As much as he hated vampires, I got the feeling that he wouldn't be able to do his duty and kill Bella Swan when she came back as an undead bloodsucker.

I fumed silently for several minutes. Jacob let the silence continue, though I knew that the awkwardness and my anger made him uncomfortable. Bella had broken his heart, completely shattered his carefree spirit, and yet _he_ was worried about making _me_ angry.

Just yesterday he had been ready to commit suicide, and now he was trying to comfort me. Honestly, Bella didn't know just how _good_ she could have had it if she had returned Jacob's affections.

"Are we…going to talk about it, now?" he asked. I felt my anger subsiding, my exhaustion making me sag tiredly on my stool. The absence of the adrenaline had taken the last of my strength. But before I could pass out, Jacob reached out, steadying me against his chest, and scooping me up to carry me into the living room.

"You are a complete jerk, Jake," I grumbled tiredly, feeling my eyes grow heavy. I felt his chest rumbling with a near silent laugh. "I mean it." I sighed, my head lolling.

A second later I was opening my eyes, aware of the heat sitting at my feet. There was the hum of the TV, channels flipping. Then Jacob spoke.

"Feeling better?" he asked. I cracked open my eyes, giving him a halfhearted glare.

"I'm rested, not better, Jake," I muttered. He heard me, giving a smile in reluctant amusement. These days, Jacob was always reluctant to be happy, not just with me, so I didn't mind his hesitance.

"You haven't…been watching me while I sleep?" I asked, trying to inflict some disgust and annoyance into my voice. I just ended up sounding pitiful, my voice strained.

"Are you kidding me? You can take care of yourself, I was just watching the game," he made a gesture to the TV, baseball being the main attraction. I gave a yawn.

"Whatever," I grumbled, sitting up on the couch.

We sat in silence. I knew Jacob wanted to talk about everything that happened today, because even I could admit that the idea that I would have sex with Jacob Black was weird. No doubt, he probably wanted some closure and to forget the whole thing.

A part of me would be more than happy to let him crawl away like a coward, but a more selfish part of me, the part that wanted to feel human affection for the first time in nearly two years wanted to demand his attention. I felt like I could entertain that part.

"You look terrible," Jacob said, seemingly trying to start a conversation. I yawned again.

"Patrols are killer, and spending all afternoon having hot, super powered werewolf sex can wear a girl out," I didn't mind that, though. I finally had the stamina to keep going after the first six orgasms or so. It was nice…getting to enjoy sex again after nearly two years of celibacy.

The silence stretched. When I looked at him I could see that Jacob couldn't meet my eyes, and was blushing furiously.

Suddenly, understanding his shyness, though I should have remembered such a key fact, I deadpanned, "Huh…I forgot, you and Bella never had sex…"

"So?" Jacob scoffed, irritable at the question. I smiled.

"So," I felt suddenly very pleased. There was something that I had got that Bella freaking Swan had never gotten to enjoy and then reject. "So…I took Jacob Black's virginity…" there was no mistaking the pride and pleasure in my voice at that fact. I'm sure Bella would be furious, little self-absorbed, fickle leech loving bitch that she was.

Jacob's jaw hardened, anger flashing in his brown eyes…I waited for the explosion that was no doubt coming, but instead, Jacob turned back to the TV, ignoring me.

I was a little miffed at his reaction, but I understood. He hadn't wanted to give his virginity to me, Leah Clearwater, the bitch of the Quileute pack, even in a million fucking years. He had probably wanted to save it for his precious _Bella_, but had given it away in a moment of weakness. And I was unintentionally and gleefully rubbing his face in that fact.

I'd much more prefer rubbing Bella's face in that knowledge, but I could understand Jacob, at least, so I let him sulk in silence…for a few minutes, at least.

"That expression doesn't suit you," I said, with honest conviction in my voice. Anger and bitterness were two emotions that I had _never_ associated with Jacob Black. I felt slightly guilty that I was only adding to it. "You should try smiling more. You look better that way," _and less like Sam, too_, I added in the privacy of my own mine. Even if it was a fake relationship, I didn't want to start dating a Sam Uley clone.

Jacob snorted, not at all amused with my recommendation.

"I don't really feel like smiling," he sighed. At seeing the direction his thoughts were taking, I crawled over onto his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. Jacob noticeably panicked. "Wha–" I stopped him from backing away, smothering his lips were mine and demanding his attention.

Once Jacob was returning the desire of my searching mouth I pulled away, out of breath. "Shut up and kiss me," I ordered. I was glad when he did. I didn't enjoy talking to a depressed Jacob Black.

This time we were far gentler, far more cautious. We'd seen just how breakable everything else was compared to us, and didn't much like a repeat of the scene in the forest, only this time in my living room. Still, we enjoyed inflicting pain to each other, though this time it was only bites and scratches. I was the first one to bite, reacting to my second orgasm. Jacob followed his inner wolf unable to let me dominate him during the process of mating. I was the one who did the scratching, almost from the moment I had managed to strip Jacob from his clothes. I was very angry and frustrated and disgusted with myself, and here Jacob was, eager to let me take everything out on him. I tried to be considerate, to contain my violence, but it wasn't easy. In a lot of ways I felt very free with Jacob, especially during sex. The pain only excited him.

I woke up two hours later to a coughing. Jacob had his arms around me and we were sleeping in a pile on the floor, my mom's wool blanket draped over us. When I lifted my head to blearily look around us I saw who had interrupted my rather enjoyable sleep…my mom.

Well, damn.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" mom asked five minutes later, a frown on her face. We had decided to take our conversation to the kitchen after I had dressed, where my mom obviously planned to grill me for my actions. I shrugged, trying to appear unconcerned.

"What? We had sex," I didn't see any reason to lie to my mother. It seemed that that answer wasn't what she wanted to hear, since she began sputtering in her fury. I got my anger problems from my mom, after all.

"Of all the most selfish, irresponsible, foolish things you could do…_why_ did you think it would be a good idea to have sex with _Jacob Black_?" mom demanded. It hurt me more than I cared to admit that she wouldn't try and see things from my perspective.

"It's just some harmless sex, mom," I said, bitterly, trying to control my own anger. "I got tired of feeling so lonely, and since Bella wasn't going to accept Jake's affections, I decided that I wanted it." I resisted the urge to cross my arms over my chest self-consciously.

"That's not the point," mom said, vexed by my callousness. "What happens when one of you imprints?"

I scoffed. "Thanks for your concern mom, but I don't intend to fall in love with Jake." Her eyes flashed with anger.

"And what happens if _he_ falls in love with _you_, and you are the one who imprints?" I felt my mouth open soundlessly at the question, before I shut it with a click of teeth, suddenly spiteful.

"Then he's even more of an idiot than I thought…" I growled.

"Leah!" mom admonished. I had to grip the counter with my hands to return to my senses.

"No, mom," I said on a hiss, "We aren't dating, we don't have _feelings_ for each other. It's just _sex_," I growled. My mom was frowning heavily now, brow pinched.

"That's terrible," I could hear the sadness and pain in her voice. I don't think she realized just how bad my emotional state was until now. "Can't you just _talk to me_? Why do you feel the need to abuse yourself like this?" before I could stop her, her arm lashed out to turn my head to the side, examining the angry red and swollen bite marks left behind from mine and Jacob's earlier actions.

Surprised by the sudden contact and emotion in my mom's voice I couldn't help myself from murmuring, "Because it hurts less…"

My mom pulled away, as if burned by my words. I could see the suffering in her face, her eyes losing some of their fire.

"_Sam_," mom sighed, mournfully.

"And dad, and Seth, and Emily, and Quil, and Claire, Jared, Kim, and Pual and Rachel," I breathed.

A few minutes passed in silence. Then mom pointed to a kitchen chair. "Sit," she ordered. I didn't even try to resist, suddenly too tired to put up a fight. Quiet as the grave, mom removed our First-Aid Kit from the cupboard over the sink, and got out the disinfectant. The alcohol burned like white hot fire as she brushed the cotton swabs across my neck and over the other bite marks and scratches that I had allotted while having sex with Jacob, but I refused to show just how much it hurt.

"I wish that you would open up to me, let me talk to you. It isn't healthy to bottle everything up inside like you do," mom told me, and I was alarmed to see the tears in her eyes. I reached for her hand and held her silently, waiting. She sniffed, put aside the alcohol and the cotton and took out some bandages and some antibacterial cream which she proceeded to dress my wounds with. "You are still so young, it is just so difficult to see the pain that you are going through, Leah."

"Mom," I sighed, relaxing as she placed the last bandage onto my skin, before shrugging on my shirt. "I'm trying, I really am. But it just hurts _so_ much," I was mortified to feel the tears coming, but I stubbornly held them back. I glared mutely at the wall as if it was responsible for my lapse of weakness.

"Baby, I know," mom told me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I stiffened, resisting the urge to melt into the embrace, before I let it all go and relaxed, settling into my mother's arms comfortably.

"Someday, it'll all get better, I promise," claimed my mother. I sighed, blinking open my eyes, and stared over my mother's shirt.

He was standing there, in the doorway, of course, as if my mortification wasn't complete without him witnessing my weakness. But I was just too tired to care, my mother's warmth and familiar jasmine scent soothing my wolf and relaxing me till I felt the drowsiness setting in.

Jacob held my weakening gaze, concern etched on his face. I didn't want that to be there. I didn't want him to worry about me. I wanted to reach out and smack that expression off his face. No way in hell did I want sympathy from Jacob Black!

—but, the weakness was setting in, and I was drifting. Before I knew it I was falling, the darkness covering me.

"Ja—" I was asleep before his name was even fully pulled from my lips.

* * *

2: End.


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